


The little things

by Sherr



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Photographer Bucky Barnes, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Needs a Hug, YouTube, YouTuber Bucky, Youtube takes a big part on this, and then, emotional struggle, possible ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-07-24 23:39:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16185605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherr/pseuds/Sherr
Summary: Bucky Barnes has a normal and boring life. Photography student, a half-time Youtuber and, sometimes, an errands runner for his neighbors.He's normal, and he likes it that way.Until Steve comes into his life in an unexpected way, and normal stops being something common on his agenda.221118: Summary Edited.





	The little things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pochito_Koru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pochito_Koru/gifts).



> This is for my dearest friend, Karen.  
> We had a bet set up and she won, so she asked for a one-shot of her OTP, Stucky.  
> Clearly, I delivered. 
> 
> I ask to all of you, curious souls reading this, to read carefully. The title is actually foreshadowing, and there's a lot of in between thoughts on pretty much every sentence.  
> You don't loss any plot if you don't pick up on those little things, but there's actually a lot of character development on them, so...  
> You can enjoy a good lecture either way. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it.

He considered he had a normal life.

Sure, he recorded himself playing video games to entertain people he didn't even know, and he gained enough money to sustain himself by playing said video games, but that wasn't weird, right?  
He sometimes would be joined by his good friend Clint, or by the local lovebirds– Peter and Wade; either way, those two only joined him when they weren't busy working on their own things. He didn't resent them, though, as it was proved that every time they joined him he was a mere third wheel. It was fun to play with them, nonetheless, and it gave him enough views to buy himself a nice and warm hamburger from Wendy's.  
His friends had normal lives, too. Clint had his wife and kids, working from home on an online store for his handcrafted goodies and sometimes recording the making-of of some of them for his YouTube channel –even though a lot of his orders were from cosplayers that wanted a realistic weapon for their costumes–. Peter and Wade were on the verge of launching their own app, having good paying jobs from their spots on a software company, and sometimes recording something for YouTube just for the sake of it.  
And Bucky, well... Bucky recorded himself playing video games on a daily basis.

But that was normal, right? People did it all the time, so it must be something normal, RIGHT?

Don't get him wrong, he did had a life outside his little gaming area, attending art school on the mornings and running errands for his neighbors in exchange of money so he had enough time to do his homework and record for a little while, but it wasn't rare for him to hope for a little more. To hope having more on his life than attending art school and uploading videos every two days for random people to enjoy. He didn't even considered it a job, thinking of it as a hobby he had on the sidelines, but leaving behind his life as a 'Youtuber' wasn't something he considered either.  
He had a small fanbase, but everyone was nice there, and he was happy recording himself playing games.

But that wasn't the point on this lame and self-indulgent monologue.

He considered he had a normal life.

Few people from his faculty recognized him from his videos, but as he wasn't a big deal on YouTube they ignored him half the time. When he wasn't ignored was when other people asked him for favors, like handing them an old game he didn't play anymore or giving them a shout out on his channel —he wasn't famous enough to even affect other people's channels with his shout outs—. Bucky preferred it that way, however, as he enjoyed being able to walk without people stopping him for photos or whatever.  
Outside of YouTube and art school he visited his family every Saturday, talking to his sister with a confidence he didn't had with anyone else.  
And that Saturday would have been like always, if it wasn't for the fact that Rebecca was completely focused on her phone, earphones on and everything.

Aside from making him a little jealous, he was curious as to what drawn his sister's attention like that.

Rebecca was a grown woman, not taking interest on 'little things' as she tended to call them, even though those little things were more often than never the things Bucky took an interest in. It didn't offend him, as he knows she didn't do it with a bad intention, but the sting to his pride was there and it grew even larger every time Becca jabbed him on the side once more.   
Now, to see the imperturbable Rebecca Barnes taking an interest on something that wasn't her law books was something truly concerning and fascinating at the same time, so he obviously took an interest on it as well.

With a chocolate cookie on his mouth and a glass of milk on his hand he approached his sister, looking over her shoulder at the screen of her phone. There, on a video from someone called "Captain Rogers" was presented to him a guy almost from his age, blonde hair shining on an impecable and almost boring cut. He was skinny, but the smile on his lips was so bright it made him forget the mere thought of thinking of him as 'weak'. He had determination on his eyes, and determination was one of the most powerful weapons a men could have.   
It made Bucky respect him, even when he didn't even knew what was the guy doing.

The guy's lips were moving but, with Becca having her headphones on, he couldn't make out what was he saying. Everything he knew was that the video title was "I GOT IN!" and the scenario was now of the guy talking more animated and gesturing wildly with his arms.

Bucky smiled at that, finishing his cookie and walking to the kitchen to steal another one from his mom's tray.  
He was going to check this Rogers guy later.

* * *

His channel's content varied from time to time. Most of the times he uploaded gameplays, usually games his followers requested repeatedly, but some days he could feel like uploading a blog, talking about nonsense and answering some questions from subscribers about trivial topics. 

This days was one of those days, as he was already setting up the tripod in front of his bed, centering the camera so a part of his wall stayed in frame, posters from _Fall Out Boy_ and _Iron for Hire_ on it, along with posters from games such as _Resident Evil_ and _Uncharted._  
When he got sure the camera was on spot and he synched his recording program with his mic did he start, clearing his throat before speaking, a smile spreading on his face with ease.

"Welcome back to my channel! For those who don't know me I'm White Wolf, otherwise known as Bucky. Today I want to talk to you guys, answer some questions, you know, the usual when I'm too lazy to actually play something that needs me concentrating too much" Bucky snorted, suddenly feeling stupid for laughing at his own joke, before continuing to talk.

"Yesterday was Saturday, and as you guys know I visit my family on Saturday. Becks was watching this guy's video— which in itself is weird and offends me because she never watches my videos, and I just remembered I never checked out that channel! But anyway, she was watching the video and– Oh! Well, this is a change of direction, but now I'm going to do a react video. Great work, James, now you have to edit one minute of talking out so it makes sense that you are reacting to something. Dumbass".

Mumbling to himself was something common on his life, a way of not depressing himself at the sudden reminder he was alone on the tiny apartment, or that he was single since he was 15 –he was 26 now–. Becca teased him about it, but Becca teased him about everything, so what's new.

Feeling too lazy to re-arrange everything, he simply went for his headphones and started the screen recorder program, doing another synch check and looking for the guy's channel. He went specifically to the video Rebecca was watching, letting it charge before looking at the camera again, re-doing his intro and talking about the guy Rebecca was watching the past Saturday, and how he was watching it out of spite of his sister preferring some random dude's videos over his –which was obviously a joke–.

"Well then, everyone. Having explain my oh so boring story of how my sister betrayed me, I'm going to react to this guy's video. Is the first video on his channel, of current five, and this guy already has five thousand subscribers– wow, something must have gone very right for him. Okay, let's start with his first video, titled 'I got in!'".

The video started with the camera being rearranged clumsily, a hand obscuring the view before backing out, letting a skinny man on frame instead. He was the same blonde, determined man he had seen Saturday's on Becca's phone, looking quite nervous from being in front of a camera. He then cleared his throat, starting to speak with the nervousness still on his voice.

 _"Good day, everyone. My name is Steve Rogers. I'm..."_ Steve –God, it felt more normal to call him by his given name and not a last name– clearly never did this, as the video was nowhere near perfect and his speech was clumsy. It was endearing, however, as he struggled to speak about whatever he was going to say.

 _"As you may know, the recognized entrepreneur and genius Tony Stark and the award winner Dr. Stephen Strange started a joint project –God is joint a weird word– to find a way of eradicate or, at least, minimize the effects of chronic illnesses or to reduce the impact on a person that suffers from more than three congenital illnesses that affect the life of a person in a much more invasive way."_ Steve looked around, almost as he was suddenly aware of the words he was saying. Discomfort was written all around his face, and he was clearly struggling to keep his hands steady. A sore subject, huh. _"I'm the latest, by a big reason"._

Even though Steve chuckled at his own comment it was pretty clear that he found no humor on it, and Bucky found himself frowning at it. He paused the video, looking at the camera, clearly upset about that last bit.

"I gotta say, I'm loving this guy's confidence at speaking out in a subject that is clearly a sore point for him. Great job, man, keep carrying that confidence, you're doing great. But also, don't joke about something that makes you uncomfortable or self-conscious, on the long run it becomes a coping mechanism that I really, **really** don't encourage you to have. Baby steps, everyone! We talked about this on the Mental Health Day and I will keep spreading it! But I just want to point out this. Don't joke around about things you don't want to be seen as a joke, as it will haunt you later. Is obviously different in every person, but I'm talking from experience. Okay! Back to the video!"

Bucky shuddered out his feeling of unease, speaking out his mind still being something new to him that he hasn't gotten used to. With a roll of his shoulders he hit the play button, the video carrying on from where it left off.

Steve cleared his throat, looking around in a clear discomfort at his previous statement. He settled his eyes on the camera again, a shaky smile on his lips. _"I sent an application with my health history, volunteering to be a test subject on a still experimental study. Just think of all the help this could do if it turns out as successful as they want it to be! All the people it could help! It would be absolutely revolutionary!"_ Steve's uncomfortable stance started to wore off, an excited expression taking place in his face. He was gesturing with his arms and hands, waving them wildly, unconscious of his surroundings, especially of the water bottle besides him.

Bucky smiled, his uneasiness wearing off as well. The change of pace on the video was welcoming, his expression being a clear stance about it.

He didn't even knew this guy, but seeing him that excited about helping others was something else. Something a hero would do and/or say. And he knew that, if the project turned out to be effective, Steve would be a hero to millions of people. Himself included.

_"The reason why I'm doing this video is to keep you all posted about my process with this. I know a lot of you have been excited of this since word came out from Stark Industries and Dr. Stephen Strange's office. They accepted me to be one of the test subjects –Mr. Stark says he wants to came out with a better name since test subjects sounds inhumane–. I'm going to experiment first hand the changes this can do to my body, the changes my life is going to have if this turns out to be successful. Just so you know, the first thing I'm doing when I start to feel better is working out"._

Bucky actually laughed at that, pausing again the video to say his commentary. He decided against it, though, seeing as there were only 20 seconds left to finish the whole video. He kept it rolling, deciding to cut out that part while editing, even saying it out loud to don't forget about it.

 _"This is a great opportunity, almost a second chance, and I'm going to make the most of it... **We** are going to make the most of it". _ Steve smile stayed even when his hand reached out again for the camera, ending the video abruptly then. Bucky clapped, once, his own smile never leaving his face.

Once the video ended he started talking.

"Okay, first of all, love this guy. This guy is a fucking hero, I'm telling you. His passion about what he's doing? I now know why Becca was so stoked with this guy. He has a good purpose, he has a good heart, and his smile? Million bucks. Ten out of ten. Fantastic. I'm actually out of words and that upsets me because I want to keep fangirling about this guy! Guys, what do I do, I think I have a new crush for my crush wall." As the words left his mouth he realized what he have said, his eyes widening in horror. "Oh, no! A new crush for the crush wall! Becks is so going to take this as an opportunity to annoy me endlessly".

The crush wall was a joke among him and his followers, being a channel on his Discord server only him and a few moderators could edit. There were the names of all the people Bucky would ramble about on an almost daily basis, the one and only Tony Stark being one of the people there– oh, those poor people in the server were in for a joy ride now that he could ramble about Stark **_with_** the addition of Steve Rogers.  
If this were a livestream the moderators would have added Steve to his crush wall in the blink of an eye.

Pushing down the urge to laugh endlessly in the middle of his recording, he continued his commentary about this Rogers guy, making sure to make a mental note to check out the rest of his videos later on.  
His interest on Steve piked up the moment he saw him genuinely smile.

* * *

He was majoring on Photography, and some casual jobs did wonders to help him pay his rent and food. He was gaining more recognition on this zone of the city, too, with his graduation around the corner and the wedding season peaking in with an almost terrifying aura.  
He did NOT wanted that much wedding jobs. Soon-to-be brides were absolutely terrifying and he always feared one would kill him if the photo was even one inch off frame of their desired result.

God forbid him.

Being the perfectionist he was, he had the perfect equipment for his photos, even doing small sacrifices on his budget when he saw something that cached his eye and he considered important to his profession. When he started YouTube he had a semi-professional camera already set up to record him, and everyone made fun of him in the comments because he was using his headphone's microphone and it was almost anticlimactic.  
He chuckled at the memories with fondness, though, keeping in mind that he could not ask for better memories.

As he was saying, his jobs were inconsistent but well-paying. Not that he was complaining, of course, but no one is saying he wouldn't be more happy with more jobs, but whatever. His website –that Peter totally set up as he was an idiot with coding– had a good flow of curious people, his clients were usually good and he already had a regular– this mother that absolutely loved her kids and wanted to frame every accomplishment on their lives.  
He wasn't complaining. He never did.

He never did complain.

Scrolling down his Twitter feed he saw his followers reactions at his latest video, people already doing the internet magic of drawing fanart of every possible couple that could swarm their way. He chuckled, even going as far as liking his favorites one, when the notification of a mention popped up on his phone, totally freezing him up on spot.

Steve replied to his video.

What the-

**Steve #ProjectHorizon @** _CaptainSRogers_

_So excited about Bucky's latest video being about me! I never thought this could happen! Thanks so much for this @thewhitewolff_

His face started to heat up, his mind racing up inexplicably. It didn't had to be something serious, if Steve fanbase was as growing as he thought it was it was obvious that people would be stoked about another youtuber talking about him. It did happen to him once before, did it not? It wasn't special, it was a simple interaction on the internet, nothing more.

He tried to stead his heart, falling miserably on the process, as he started to type his answer.

**Bring back the crush wall @** _thewhitewolff_

_Hey man! Not a problem! Really liked your whole status quo. Keep it up, you're going to accomplish great things ;)_

...  
Why the fuck did he add the winky face.  
God fucking-

Steve replied.  
Kill him already.

**Steve #ProjectHorizon @** _CaptainSRogers in reply to @thewhitewolff_

_Thank you so much! I've been a fan since the beginning (not even lying about this, I was there for the mic-pocalypse) and seeing this video really made my whole year! Thank you!_

For some reason grasping the idea of Steve being a follower of his seemed almost unreal. The guy was part of a world-changing project and he was wasting his free time watching his fucking lame-ass videos of him screaming at a fucking goat for 15 minutes because the game was fucking stupid?  
It seemed so unreal. So...  
Bucky didn't thought he deserved to even have the attention of someone like Steve. It didn't seem to match with the world's aura. It was strange.

And yet, he found himself smiling like a fool, realization showering his whole mind just a second later of his near panic attack.

**Bring back the crush wall @** _thewhitewolff in reply to @CaptainSRogers_

_Only one person is crazy enough to call that era mic-pocalypse, knowing how much everyone hates that name_

**Bring back the crush wall @** _thewhitewolff in reply to @CaptainSRogers_

_Stevie, you crazy bastard_

Stevie was his one and only right hand on the Discord server. There since the beginning, he used to comment his videos on another account, the name of it being Mighty Shield. He was a guy from Queens, whose dreams was to be a soldier, but his multiple illnesses forbid him to.  
When he first watched CaptainRogers video... He thought of the guy as his own hero, but he was thinking of how that project could allow Stevie to accomplish his dreams.

For it to have turned out like this...

It was right.

**Steve #ProjectHorizon @** _CaptainSRogers in reply to @thewhitewolff_

_Guilty as charged_

It felt right, and suddenly Bucky's worries from before lifted off.  
He was there since the beginning. He was there and nothing changed.

He was there, trying to accomplish his dreams, and it was right. 

* * *

As expected, the whole Discord server exploded into chaos as soon as the tweets were out for the internet to see. Everything seemed to be split on three major groups: the ones giving Steve shit tons of love and support –himself included–; the ones seeing Steve name on the crush wall and losing their minds because _that_ Steve was the same Steve that made amazing drawings to cheer up people from the server whenever they were feeling down; and, last but not least, the ones that started to ship them.

They were the larger group so far. 

At first it was fun, some laughs and some memes about him gushing over Steve with classic movies scenarios, but now it felt... weird.  
This guy was making a difference on world history and he just uploaded a video of him playing Super Mario Maker and raging over Ross's levels.

Seriously, fuck those levels. 

Not important, though, as he was busy self-depreciating himself.

It made no sense. The fanarts, the fan-fictions, the edits; nothing made sense. Why were people invested on a relationship that could not happen? Soon Steve would be famous, giving interviews, being the face of more important projects. Maybe getting himself a nice girlfriend or boyfriend in the process, maybe getting married.  
He? He, Bucky, James Buchanan Barnes, the loser of the two? He was lucky as it was if he could keep paying his fucking apartment.  
And he, the loser of the two, did not deserve Steve, even when everything was a fictional pairing for the internet to have a few laughs and a good time. 

Steve didn't seem to mind it, his uploading schedule being the same as ever –two videos per week, every Monday and Friday–, and he even laughed with the people of the server, answering tweets on a jokingly matter about the whole _Stucky_ situation– because, yes, they already had a ship name.

Steve, however, started to avoid talking to him on the PM's.

That did made sense, and Bucky could not find within himself to blame him, as he too would cut off any contact with him upon realizing what kind of loser he was being paired with. It made him sad, sure, but at this point in life Bucky could not give himself the luxury of stopping for two hours just to feel sorry for himself.  
Life was rushed, and busy, and stressful, and he couldn't stop.

He didn't stop, even when the feeling of wanting to throw up was forming on the pit of his stomach every day.  
It was awful, but it couldn't be helped. 

Steve made his choice, the logical one, and he was going to respect his choice.  
Even when it hurt like hell.

* * *

He had to jinx it, didn't he?

He was so thrilled for working to freaking _Tony Stark_ that he completely forgot who he was going to photograph.

The cover photo of Project Horizon was going to be shown along with an interview from Tony Stark, Dr. Stephen Strange and even a small section to talk about Steve Rogers.  
And there was where his camera took place. 

Steve was the face of the project. Like– the commercial face, the pretty and sympathetic face that everyone was going to see when they saw an article about Project Horizon.  
And Bucky had to photograph him.  
Because life hated him, of course. Why not. It was not as if he was screaming internally every ten seconds. Of course not. 

He was.  
He totally was.

Tony Stark contacted him through his page, allegedly saying he googled him after the Twitter situation happened, claiming to be interested as to whom called Steve a _'bastard'_ , but even he could tell that part was mostly a joke. And when Tony came across his page –it was the first thing to pop up on Google if you searched James Barnes, after all– he thought it would be a good idea to have a friend of Steve photograph him, because that's what friends do, even when they're getting paid alarmingly large sums of money for those photos.

It wasn't. It wasn't a good idea at all. 

Bucky was on his nerves, and Steve just stood there, smiling at the camera crew that was filming his interview. He sometimes would feel blue eyes glancing at him, but when he lifted his head Steve was laughing at something his interviewer said, not trace of ever had looked Bucky's way.  
And when that happened everything he could do was stay there, organizing his area for the photos, a ceiling-to-floor window in the background being enough source of natural light for him to don't need to turn on his own lights– that decision, of course, would have to be later discussed with Tony as he was, after all, his client and his opinion was the only one that mattered. 

He set up a tripod, even though he normally never used a tripod on his shootings. 

When he was placing a chair on the perfect place of the frame did he heard the camera crew saying their thanks, audio people starting to pack their things and the lights being carried away, the fake white background being packed away too. Steve was sweating a little, most likely due to the heat of the lights, and smiled his way, having a short chat with Mr. Stark before walking to where he was, that damn smile never leaving his lips.

He was going to have a heart attack.  
He swears to God–

"So, Bucky" The casual way that was said, the fact that he was standing in front of him, almost as tall as him and with a scent of lime coming off his body, though he couldn't make out if it was shampoo or cologne. Everything together, a cacophony of feelings, made him feel numb. He could swear he felt lightheaded for a second there, quickly recovering himself. "We finally see each other face to face, eh? I'm actually screaming internally but if I scream here everyone is probably going to freak out a lot."

Steve laughed, light and soft and terse, and Bucky had to actually force his heart to calm down. He didn't even knew why he was so anxious about everything that was happening. It wasn't as if he didn't knew Steve, because he did. He knew his birthday –July 4th, what a nerd–, he knew his favorite band –set it off, as surprisingly as it might sound–, he knew his favorite thing to do was to draw. He knew Steve as much as Steve allowed him, and the same could be said about himself.  
And yet there he was, heart hammering against his chest, his breath quick and heavy. He blamed that on his non-stop carrying and setting of his whole equipment.

It was definitely not because of Steve. 

"Yeah, man, it seems almost surreal. How's celebrity life treating you?" Tony Stark was actually looking their way, making him hurry and finish accommodating everything. Don't annoy your client, rule number one on any business.  
Why was he attempting to annoy his client, why did he have to be such an idiot. 

"It's definitely a rush. Everyone is always stressed about something, there's always something out of place or someone forgot something that's curiously vital. How about you?" Bucky actually arched an eyebrow, sending Steve a skeptical look before adjusting the WB on his camera.

"What about me?"

"You're a celebrity too, aren't you?"

"I'm a what now?"

If he wasn't so shocked he would've laughed. What was Steve talking about? He, a celebrity? He was just a youtuber with zero free time but a lot of bad life choices. He wasn't a celebrity.  
He was just a guy. 

"Stevie, I think being in front of those lights for so long actually boiled your brain, because I'm not a celebrity."

He finally finished setting everything up, and signaled Steve to get on the chair to take a couple of trial photos, just to see how well guided was his intuition about the natural light of the window. Steve obliged, his lips pressed in what could've been interpreted as disapproval.  
Whatever. He wasn't a celebrity. 

"Look at the camera and put your best golden guy smile, please."

Steve Rogers was in no way a professional model. He was stiff, his smile seemed forced and his posture was actually so ridiculous it made him want to cry. His hunch about the natural light was correct, though, but how was he supposed to work with that gift of nature with Steve being as rigid as a tree?  
He was going to cry. He was actually going to cry. 

"Is that bad, huh." Steve didn't sound offended, however, a genuine smile spreading on his lips. He took the opportunity to snap a picture, confusing the guy and vanishing the smile instantly. Damn it.

"How can you tell?"

"You're doing that expression."

"Expression?" Bucky looked up from his camera, indicating Steve to look at a certain point and to relax a little. He did so, but he still looked tense. It made him want to give him a massage just so he could relax his fucking shoulders–

Stay professional, James. 

"You know! Your expression of 'this is a nightmare and I'm going to stab myself with a fork'." 

"That's fake, I'm going to report you for spreading fake news." Apparently, the key to stop Steve from looking like a creepy doll was to make bad jokes and make him laugh. That was actually helpful.

Two photos were taken on the brief seconds of his laugh, he having to stop to fix the focus of the camera. 

"I'm not lying, though!"

"Name one time I made that expression."

"Every time you play one of Ross's levels."

"Hey now! Any sane person would make the expression I made if they had to endure what I did. Stand up and act casual, please."

He commanded Steve to lean against the window, folding his arms on a friendly manner. He disliked the aura that pose gave out, though, and told him to relax his arms more, taking his camera off the tripod.  
God, this was going to take ages. 

"Can't argue there."

Another indication was made, moving Steve to where wall and window met, just so the light wouldn't blend with his blonde hair that much. 

"Name one instance that doesn't involve Super Mario Maker."

"Your whole I am bread series."

"... I hate you."

Steve laughed once again, and he had to act quick to capture the moment. He focused the camera on Steve, snapping a few photos of Steve laughing, leaning against the window and looking the more relaxed he had seemed the entire time he had been there, with him.  
Perhaps... Perhaps it may work, after all. 

"I know you aren't physically capable of hating me." The little bastard looked smug about what he just said, and if it wasn't Steve he might have actually tried to wipe off that smug smile off another's man face.  
With him, the mere thought was impossible to have. 

"Try me."

He was weak, and soft, and open to this man.  
And that was going to be his downfall.

On the next thirty minutes he already had the winner photo, gaining the approval of Tony Stark himself before the billionaire asked for his photo taken as well. He obliged, of course, and that slowly turned into Stephen Strange getting his photo taken too, and then Pepper Potts as well. It was actually pleasant to take photos of the woman, who complimented his hard work and acted sassy towards Stark while being sweet and maternal with him.  
It made him feel warm and safe, and he immediately took a liking for the woman. 

Pepper left shortly after, claiming to be busy with the PR department, giving Stark a short kiss before disappearing on the elevator.  
Steve walked to his side, helping him pack his things. He looked sideways at him, smiling slightly. 

If Steve smiled too, he didn't noticed.

"I thought you were mad at me." Bucky whispered, softly, taking off the filter and packing it too, retracting the lens of the camera.

"Mad? Why would I be mad at you?" Steve sounded confused, but he didn't glanced up, busying himself in taking the SD out of the camera before packing it up on the case, putting the SD on the case of his laptop.

"Dunno. It seems like you've been avoiding me."

Bucky finally looked up, noticing Steve's conflicted expression. He didn't immediately denied his statement, and he had to smile to hide his hurt expression.  
Yeah, that's what he thought. 

"Anyway. Talk to you on the server, or not, who cares. Good luck with everything here, it seems like–"

"I haven't been avoiding you."

Bucky stopped talking, arching his eyebrow, skeptical. Steve sighed, rubbing his temples.  
His fingers seemed so soft– stop it.

"I mean, I _have_ , but not on purpose. I think. Is just, now that I know you're you and you know I'm me... How do I talk to you? I mean– before we would hype ourselves into knowing each other in person, but now we do, and it feels like anything I do now is going to bore you and–"

"Hey. Hey." He grabbed Steve's hand –his fingers _were_ soft!–, squeezing it softly and giving him a soft smile. Steve seemed to relax greatly "Whatever made you came to that conclusion, forget it. You're fun, and amazing, and so strong and I'm lucky enough to call you my friend, so don't ever think I would become tired of you, because that isn't going to happen anytime soon. Are you listening? Ever."

A confident tug followed that statement, and Steve's bright smile reappeared to blind his mere existence. He smiled, though, not thinking once to let go of his hand.  
With that smile back, Bucky knew everything was going to be fine.

* * *

After that conversation they started to talk like they used too. Late nights of just lazing around, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. Sometimes forgetting they were in the main channel of the server, gaining teasing comments from Clint and Wade.  
It was good, to just act normal around everybody, not having to hide the fact that they were friends. After speaking out on the matter the amounts of shipping and teasing from the girls of the server stopped, realizing that they were uncomfortable with that amount of hyping on their friendship – _it was_ a bit sad that they had to be called out to understand it, but whatever, at least they stopped–.

It made Bucky happy that everything seemed to be falling into place, but his heart still ached for something else.  
He ignored it, for the sake of his mind. He wasn't about to spend sleepless nights thinking of what if's.  
Not until everything was more clear. 

Noticing his spacing out, Wade snapped his fingers in front of his face, making him jump in his place and gaining mocking snickers from Peter and Clint in return. Assholes.

"Are you daydreaming about your crush?" Wade continued mocking him, and now Peter and Clint were laughing out loud. He couldn't believe them.

"Stop that, I'm not crushing in anyone." Bucky slapped Wade's hand away from his face, huffing. He returned to his task on hand, that being editing his next video to his channel.

Why does he keeps playing rage games? That was besides his knowledge.

"Aren't you crushing on Steve even a little, though? I know that look, Bucky." Clint commented, his brow furrowing in concern before stealing some chips from Peter's bowl, earning him an insulted yelp from him.

"I'm not crushing on Steve! What are you guys, twelve?"

"I'm seven, thank you." Wade continued with his joking, sliding onto his boyfriend's side. Peter took this willingly, sliding one arm behind Wade's back so he could rest his head on Peter's chest. Nerds.

"Say what you want, Bucks, but you can't trick me. I'm deaf, not blind."

Bucky glared at Clint, whom just shrugged like it was not big deal, talking to Wade and Peter while he continued to edit his video. 

It wasn't as he didn't thought about it, though. About him and Steve. With the fanarts and the fanfics going around it did made him think about it, but those were just idealized thoughts about their plausible relationship. Of him defending Steve off dangers, of Steve cooking him something to eat –that was fake and it offended him so much, because Steve's cooking was terrible–, of they just spending days lazing on the couch, watching random shows and just being lovey-dovey.

It was fake and irritating. 

If they did ended up dating it was going to be more difficult. More challenging.  
Even with Steve being on the experimental treatment, he was still sick. He still suffered from his asthma and his bones still ached on the middle of the night from the lack of calcium.  
He was also the face of Project Horizon, and his schedule was shrinking more and more, with the interviews and the documentary –a fucking documentary– being filmed on an almost daily basis.  
He was going through constant changes. He started to work out, he started a diet to balance the amount of nutrients going into his body, he started with the second part of the project and was now on a more experimental medication and treatment. 

Steve was busy. Steve was stressed all the time. Steve was going through a roller-coaster of emotions daily.  
He wasn't going to have time to doze off on a couch in top of him, or to go on an ice-cream date, or to cook him something that was probably going to taste terribly and they were probably going to laugh about it. 

Everything they pictured on those fanarts and those fanfics. Everything was fake and wasn't going to happen.  
And it made him... 

It made him sad. 

Realization washed over him, and he looked up at his friends with wide eyes.  
Shit. 

"I have a crush on Steve."

"Congratulations! Only you and the rest of the world knows." Wade called out from his spot on Peter's chest, but he was too busy freaking out to even answer him. He cradled his head on his hands, muttering to himself. 

This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. 

Why was it happening?

"Hey, Bucky." Peter rubbed his back –when did he got off the fucking couch???– and gave him an almost apologetic smile, making him feel a little at ease. He exhaled through his nose, making a strangled noise of frustration "I know how terrifying it must be to realize you like someone you think is off of your league, but it's not that big of a deal as you may think it is right now. You might not see it that way now, but liking someone and being rejected is not the end of the world and is not something to freak out about." Peter looked over at Wade, who smiled back at him with a small look on his eyes. Peter continued talking, but extended his hand at his boyfriend, who got up just to take it. 

"I know what you must be thinking right now. You tend to look down on yourself a lot. But I assure you, as someone that has been on your place before, is not that scary to come upfront with your feelings. Everything can be solved through dialogue, and this is definitely one situation that can. But if you do it through messaging I will come and kick your ass."

Bucky laughed a little at that, actually feeling more relieved at Peter's words, and dried off tears he didn't knew he was shedding. Wade squeezed his shoulder, and Clint walked towards his way just to ruffle his hair.  
It was their way of telling him they were there for him. 

Damn it, he was going to cry again. 

"It doesn't need to be right now, but can you promise us you aren't going to run away? That you are going to at least try and talk to Steve about this?" Peter was giving him puppy eyes on purpose, but there was no need for that. His friends were there for him, they were actually supporting him without him asking them to, and they were being patient with him.

With them there, and on that exact moment, he was feeling like he could do anything.  
Because he could.  
Because the only one holding him back was himself, no one else was. 

"I will tell him about my feelings, Pete. I promise you all."

But he was done holding himself back.  
He was going to pursue his feelings. 

He was going to walk forward from now on.

* * *

Bucky had only been at Stark Tower once, but Pepper Potts approached him later that day, telling him that she added him to the list of approved frequent visitors per Steve's request. At the time he didn't knew what to think about that, but he thanked the woman nonetheless, who told him to feel free of dropping by whenever he wanted, claiming to ship him an ID badge later on to his apartment –he got it, and it was _shiny_ –.  
Back then he didn't thought he would need to go to Stark Tower again, but, boy, was he thankful that Pepper got him the ID. 

An assistant approached him after she saw his badge, asking him where did he needed to go. He asked for Steve Rogers and she guided him to an elevator, pressing the living quarters's button and entering a password. After that she wished him a good day, scurrying off to do her work. 

Needless to say, that was weird.

The elevator stopped with a _ding_ and the doors opened, and he was greeted with a gigantic living room.  
This room alone was bigger that the entire building he was living on and now he felt very poor.  
He walked out the elevator, suddenly aware that everything on the place was unknown for him, when a surprised gasp to his left made him look that way. 

Oh, it was Pepper.  
Thank God for Pepper.

"James! Is so good to see you again!" She approached him and greeted him with a casual hug –asking him first if he was comfortable with a hug, which made him smile widely–, the smile on her face bright and kind. She also seemed well rested, which was a welcome change from the tired bags under her eyes from last time. It made him happy to see her doing well.

"Well, a man can only go so long without thinking of seeing you again, Pepper." When the woman laughed he relaxed greatly, fear building up on his stomach after the words left his mouth. He was glad he didn't come out as a creep and his joke was well received.

Those were enough risks for a decade. 

"Always the charmer, aren't you? Are you here to see Steve?"

"I am. Is he free?"

"Yes, actually. He's in the gym right now, I can take you to it."

"If you have the time, that could immensely help me." Pepper smiled at him, the smile a mother would give her child, and patted his arm before starting to walk, him following her without a thought. 

Steve was living on the Stark Tower so Tony Stark and Bruce Banner –renowned scientist, Nobel prize winner and Tony Stark's second hand– could keep an eye on him, always monitoring his progress.  
Tony Stark had said on an interview that an A.I he created –JARVIS he had called it– had run countless of tests and approximations of how the treatment would react on a human, but there was just so much an A.I could do. With Steve living on the tower they were able to see how well the host would react, and what needed to be changed in order for the treatment to work better.

Steve didn't find a problem with living on the tower, being by himself after the death of his mother last year.

He had said multiple times that the huge place could get kind of lonely, but nothing that a quick run to the gym to distract his mind couldn't change. 

"Have you been busy? It took you a month and a half to pay us a visit." Pepper looked back at him, curious of his answer, and his mind stopped dead on his tracks at that.

It has been a month and a half already? He actually had to take out his phone to be sure of that, earning a chuckle from Pepper, and check his calendar.

Sure enough, a month and a half since the date Tony Stark bucked for the shooting had passed. 

Now curious of how long it has been without him noticing he checked up his uploading schedule, and had to actually stop walking to give his brain enough time to process what he just saw.

It has been six months since he uploaded his video talking about Steve's first video. 

His head started to fill up with questions and thoughts, dizziness taking over his motions. He had to stead himself against a wall, and a worried Pepper hurried to his side, checking his face while calling out to him. 

There were alarms blaring on his head, a hammer pounding on his temples. Panic rised on him, and a knot started to build up on his throat.  
Why was he reacting like this? People let time pass by without them noticing all the time, but his body seemed to have took the opportunity of his momentary panic to build up a total flight mode. 

He felt awful, his vision blurring.

"James? Are you okay? What happened?" Pepper sounded worried, and God knows how freaked out she must be. He wanted to grasp at Pepper's voice, trying to regain some control on his body. 

But Pepper voice sounded so distant, his thoughts taking over his mind. 

How did he not noticed how long it has been? He uploaded videos half days, you would think he was aware of dates. But it was never something he gave much thought about, that was why he...

Why was he thinking about this again–

Oh, he was going to puke. 

"Bathroom–"

He was puking.  
Great.  
Kill him already. 

Pepper's worried voice was now more loud, she calling for someone to take him to the medical wing of the tower.  
So this is the day he was going to die. The same day he chose to confess his feelings for Steve. 

How ironic, for him to die when he said he wasn't going to back out. 

Life definitely hated him. 

Before passing out, he thought of Steve. And he thought of the Kung Pao chicken he ate last night.  
Why–

... 

The nurse said he had food intoxication.

Apparently the place he ate the Kung Pao chicken from didn't washed the chicken right, and now a very sneaky bacteria took him as its poor victim, playing with his stomach and immune system.  
To say he was pissed beyond words was an understatement. 

Pepper sat besides him, an apologetic smile on her face, and talked with him of little nothings to distract him from the stomach cramps. He appreciated that she was there, and that she claimed she would get Steve on the infirmary since she had to get back go work.  
And Steve came, alright, sweaty and panting and with his hair tousled everywhere like a lion's mane. He noticed he was more built, his arms having more muscle and his torso being more firm and broad.  
He smiled. Steve always wanted to work out, he was glad it was working out for him. 

"Are you alright, Bucky?" Steve rushed to sit down on the chair Pepper abandoned previously, the worried look never leaving his face. Damn, he was adorable.

"The nurse says I should be fine by tomorrow. I do feel like crap, though."

Steve left out a shaky breath, closing his eyes on the process of his exhalation. He then took Bucky's hand, and his breath quickened instantly. His stomach fluttered, too, but in the actual situation that was a bad sign.  
Oh, no, stomach, don't you dare–

"I become so worried when Pepper approached me and told me you fallen ill." Steve's eyes were like the ocean. A deep blue, that would be calm and steady when he was happy. Now, however, they seemed like a storm was going on in there, the troubled expression only adding so much.

He was so expressive even without him noticing... 

"Don't phrase it like that, sounds like I'm dying." He joked, trying to light up the mood, and it worked. Steve snickered, a mocking look of disappointment taking over his features.  
There he was, the Stevie he knows and loves. 

"You are surely dying if you scare me like this again, but because I would actually kill you."

"My dream come true."

"Bucky, no–"

He laughed out loud, and soon after the two of them were laughing together, the worries of before lifting from their shoulders. Bucky was going to be alright. Steve was going to be alright.  
For a brief moment, they gave themselves the luxury of not worrying about anything, just watching the day passing by and whispering little nothings of random subjects, gossiping like they were old ladies on the big city, reuniting with a cup of coffee and big gossips about the daughter of someone.

They gave themselves the luxury of disconnecting from the world, only the two of them on a small room of candid thoughts and stolen smiles, warm feelings floating on their little space.  
Neither of them noticed their hands still intervined, or the brief looks full of softness and fondness. 

Bucky needed this. He needed to be reminded that he was as human as everyone else, and if he was reminded of that alongside his friend, sharing memories of people they were never going to meet again but still hold a special place on their memory, he was more than happy to oblige. 

And looking sideways at Steve, who was smiling at a joke he made, his eyes closing slightly and little lines forming around them, Bucky felt lucky. And he yearned for more of this, for more moments where they would forget of the world, sharing themselves on the most pure way he could think of.  
He yearned for this, but his heart not longer ached. 

It was warm, and special, and right. 

"I came here to confess, you know." Bucky spoke up, his thumb rubbing on the back of Steve's hand. The former looked at him, his smile still lingering but his confusion being clear.

"Confess?"

"My feelings for you. I wanted it to be more magical than this, but my stomach is a bitch nowadays, so..." He made a gesture of not caring, shrugging his shoulders. He slowly sat up, Steve's firm hand on his back for support.  
He had both of Steve's hands on him. That was a goal scratched from his list. 

"So you're saying... you like me." He sounded so confused and flustered. Fucking adorable.

"Have been for the past two months or so, yeah." He actually wasn't freaking out. He was calm, and smiling, and _oh my God Steve squeezed his hand_.

"Well, I can say I'm glad I'm not the only one then. That would have been awkward."

They both laughed, and it was not awkward. Not at all –and that wasn't sarcasm, thank you very much–. They looked at each other with fondness, and Bucky squeezed back.  
They said little with words, but a lot with actions, and for both of them that was what mattered. 

"So, be my boyfriend?" Bucky asked, and if Steve's smile could get bigger it would.  
How many times have he said how fucking adorable he was?

"Yeah, I'll be your boyfriend."

"Cool. I would kiss you but I just puked four times on the past two hours, so, yeah."

"That's oka– _four times?_ " 

It was warm, and special, and okay.  
They were okay. 

They were going to be okay.

* * *

**Jesus said I'm cool:** so, i have a boyfriend now

 **Birds are cool, WADE:** congrats man! took ya long enough

 **Jesus said I'm cool:** sorry for being a mess with feelings, can't control that

 **Birds are cool, WADE:** dw

 **I'm going to bite you, CLINT:** when is the wedding? i call dibs on being the flower girl

 **Anxiety™:** but i want to be the flower girl! :(

 **I'm going to bite you, CLINT:** im sorry babe, i called dibs

 **Anxiety™:** the betrayal

 **Jesus said I'm cool:** um, EXCUSE YOU, but if i were to marry stevie my flower girl would definitely be tony stark

 **I'm going to bite you, CLINT:** your dream threesome

 **Jesus said I'm cool:** you know what, not even going to deny that

 **Birds are cool, WADE:** screenshoted

 **Jesus said I'm cool:** bitch

* * *

Looking back, Bucky was wrong on something. 

Steve did had time for all the silly things the fandom portrayed them doing. 

They had ice-cream dates, they binge watched Netflix curled up on a couch, they had time to make fun of Steve's cooking.  
They did everything normal couples did, and he was pleasantly surprised to find that out.  
He enjoyed his time with Steve, even when months passed, even when he now was illnesses free, even when he now was the human embodiment of a Greek God.

Steve was there for him, there to give him quick kisses on the neck, there to lift him up on the dark moments he had, there to embrace him to his sleep on hard nights.  
Two years, and he loved him like he loved him the first time he saw him. 

Soft, and terse, and warm. 

Steve came behind him, hugging him around the chair. He fixed his look on the screen, giving him then a quick kiss in his cheek.  
Loving, and caring, and there. 

"You're sure about this, sweetheart?" Steve asks, always worried about him like the end of the world was near, and he looks at him how he can, smiling slightly.

"I'm always sure when it comes to you."

Steve doesn't question him any further, and when the video finally finished uploading, he press the upload button –because YouTube was funny like that, you know–.  
The name of the video was "Here's the truth", with a thumbnail awfully simple.  
A photo of them, kissing. 

Because Bucky was done hiding. He was proud of himself. Proud of how far he has come, proud of his actual life.  
And proud of being able to call Steve Rogers his fiance –because, hey! He said yes to the big question. Not backing out now–.

Because his life wasn't a dark pit of desperation anymore.  
It was light, and bright, and right.

And Bucky liked his life just like that.

**Author's Note:**

> The last two bits are bonuses, because I like bonuses and I like the idea of Bucky having a group chat with Clint, Wade and Peter
> 
> Do you want to speak with me? Reach me on Tumblr. You can find me as sherr-vc on there!  
> I want friends. Please.


End file.
